God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
