OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
