Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
