hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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