I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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