why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
