I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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