Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All the doctor said was why
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
