Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
