So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What a dumb baby whore.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
