So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
