WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
