You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
