I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
