so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
