pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
