He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
