chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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