He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Randomize
