There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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