you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
