I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They took my balls.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
