Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
