she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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