Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
