We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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