I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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