God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
