some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do vagina's smell?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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