Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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