i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
