he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We need to get me chipped asap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
