The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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