love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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