She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
