This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
