Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
