So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
