i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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