i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
