So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
