is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
