a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
