The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
