On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
