now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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