I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
