cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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