So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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