Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
