Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
