It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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