I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
